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I Believe Now (Sequel to Until You)


Fireborn Publishing June 26, 2015


(The Poem)


I believe now


The path I am on has not always been clear;

the light oftentimes has been weak.

Even though I struggle sometimes just to see

I believe now it’s your darkness I seek.

I’ve tried to pull back when I’m moving too fast

to figure out where this path leads.

But I look in your eyes so strong and so sure

and I believe now it’s your pace I need.

I have stood up against very hard winds

and have fallen time after time.

But your hand on my shoulder has given me faith

and I believe now that your strength is mine.

I’ve been afraid of the dark but it’s been in your shadow

where I have felt safe and secure.

With your arms all around me,

your presence surrounds me,

I believe now that your way is sure.

I sometimes wake up in the dead of the night

and reach out to where you should be.

I grasp then at air, with a fear you’re not there

and I believe now the need is with me.

For this path I am on though fear dogs my steps,

and panic seems but one breath away.

You have only to whisper ‘be strong’ in my ear

and I believe in you more every day.

Though I’ve bargained with fate and gambled with luck

seeking redemption from all that I’ve done,

I was alone on this ledge until you came along

because I believe now it’s your heart I’ve won.

                                                       Asher Madden


Excerpt


He thought he could escape. The requirements were for his hands to be free and to be without the blindfold and the only time that ever happened was when he was in the bathroom. That time there was a window in the bathroom. A window! Daylight! The window was totally frosted so he couldn't see anything out of it at all but it was a window and there hadn't been one in any of the other bathrooms. How could he not take advantage? The window was extremely small; still his body was small too and he truly thought he could fit through it once it was open. He fought with raising it, trying to make as little noise as possible; the sound of the running water covered most of it. If sheer willpower had physical strength, he would simply have ripped the whole thing out from the frigging wall. But unfortunately he had to rely on actual strength and pray the thing would actually go up. Then suddenly…success! The damn thing was finally coming loose. It started to move. He pulled for all he was worth only.

But then...

There were fucking bars over the outside? Are you fucking kidding me?

Then, as his bad luck continued, he could not close the fucking thing again. If they came in and found the window open, they'd know what he had been trying to do. Shit! He had to hurry. Once again he pulled hard, this time in the opposite direction. Close, you son of… Suddenly his hand slipped. He had been leaning so hard into it he pitched forward, nearly tumbling to the floor. Instead he fell against the sink with a loud thunk. Of course his captors heard it. And instantly knew what he'd been attempting to do. Asher prepared himself for them to come barging in but they didn't.

"What are you doing, Madden?" the voice said with a sigh sounding almost bored. "As you can see, you can't get out that way. If you are done, please put on your blindfold so we can come in."

It wasn't fair. It didn't help he was able to look out and see a maze of seemingly abandoned warehouses. If he'd been able to get out there, he could have easily lost any of the kidnappers in and among the buildings. He had done it countless times before with Max's men. He really could have gotten away.

But it didn't happen.

So he put his blindfold back on and waited patiently while they entered and once again tied his hands behind his back. They tied them extra tight that time; so much for being alone and coming up with an escape plan. One more missed opportunity. He waited, expecting more punishment than just the pain in his wrists but it never came. They were evidently that confident.

Damn it! Damn it all to fucking hell!

This time, this time, he was not going to fail. There had to be a chink in this armor, a flaw in the overall plan. He had to figure out what that chink was and exploit it. He'd find out the weakness. That's what Max would do. Asher had given them all the reasons in the world to think he was compliant and cooperative due to fear and stupidity. It was going to now work to his advantage. He'd show them. All of their attention was most likely back on Max and what it was he was supposed to do for them. As long as he was still alive and he heard nothing, then Max was still at work trying to save him. He had to escape. It was going to let Max know he didn't have to worry about Asher as much as he obviously did. He'd finally make Max understand he could take care of himself. He was going to save Max from whatever it was they were demanding—if he could escape soon enough. He would do it. The next time they allowed him to be free enough, he was going to do it.

Hang on Max! I will save you again!

He laughed to himself at the thought. He was still scared shitless, but the time he had been in captivity had taken the edge off—or maybe he was just numb. He floated from moment to moment and knowing it was like that truly pissed him off. But he could do nothing while he was tied and blindfolded. He kept telling himself that. He needed to keep telling himself that.

He could do nothing.

Max! Where the hell are you? Can you save me? Do I wait? Are you waiting for me? Do I do something? Or is that going to screw up what you might be trying to do? Why couldn't that phone call have lasted long enough for Max to at least have told him what he should do? FUCK!

Oh god…

Oh god…

The blindfold soaked up the tears. He was grateful for that at least.